That's Who I Am. Wait, who am I?

begin rant/

I have felt the need to defend myself lately. I tend to piss off one or two people who take me at face value and tell the world how obnoxious I am.

A warning to everyone that this is for me to get out of my head. I'm not talking to anyone or at anyone or doing anything to piss anyone off. It's my blog, my venting space, my passive aggressive way of letting everything out without having to talk to anyone about it.

I am loud, I am opinionated and I am headstrong. I'm not perfect, as tends to be pointed out by those who think I'm too loud, too opinionated and too headstrong. But for those of you who can get past that to see who I am as a person, I think you'll find I'm worth sticking around for.

I find myself to be a strange mix: On one hand, I'm a hippie who recycles everything she can, thinks with a Green mind and is into all things natural and organic.

On the other, I'm into fashion and looking good, having an outfit for everything. I'm a professional hippie, I suppose.

As as person, I tend to speak without thinking. To someone who doesn't know me, you may think I'm being brash and rude, but it all comes from good intentions and love.

I tend to be really hard on myself. When I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm kind, thoughtful, funny and compassionate. When I'm uncomfortable, I retreat into my hard shell and lash out at those I really care about. When I'm stressed, my jabs are the lifelines I'm throwing out in the hope that someone will actually SPEAK to me and tell me it's okay. I find that when I am quiet, people walk around me and say nothing.

I have to add that the exceptions to all of these points are those people who really know me, love me and don't think I'm some half-shitty person who would be great if ... (fill in the blank here).

People tend to care about my life way more than they should. And by that I mean those people who dislike me but seem to think that they have a right to stay around and spread rumors about me. I feel like I'm back at high school. =But not. Because even in high school, I never had to deal with this. And you'd think that because we're adults that if you didn't like someone, but were friends with their boyfriend that you would do one of two things - stop being friends with us all together or be an adult and pull some decency out of your ass and be friendly to me.

I'm not asking anyone to be my best friend. I have my best friends. I don't want or need any more best friends. I'm not in the market for bosom buddies or BFFs.

What I am in the market for is people who can keep their mouths shut and stop making everything so difficult for everyone by being so stupid and immature.

I don't expect everyone to like me in the way that I don't expect to like everyone. I have never claimed to be like anyone or to be someone that you will love or even like or yet, even tolerate.

I know I'm worth it and I know that I am a good person. What I'm tired of is people who can't get over how much they don't like me. I'm tired of questioning my relationships with other people because someone is not hiding the fact that they don't want to be friends with me.

I'm tired of being uncomfortable.

It all ends now. Truths: You don't like me. Okay. Big deal. Don't pretend, just be an adult. I don't like you. Okay. I will never be mean or spiteful. Just stay away from me and we're fine. Don't expect to integrate yourself into my life somehow. If I don't like you, don't expect that those who love me will be as open to you as you would like them to be. We're all adults, but we're not going to be friends.

I think that Jean-Jacques Rousseau said it best when he said "I am made unlike anyone I have ever met."

/end rant


Jess to the Lo said…
I think that covers all!
Miss Missie said…
LOL I feel so much better just writing it. I almost didn't post it because it's pretty drama-inducing. But now that I have, I feel a million times better, like I can move on. Isn't it funny how you can be friends with someone for years and never have drama? We never had drama. And yet someone you met who is friends of a friend of a friend and they come in and try to make everyone as unhappy as they are?
Laura Beckman said…
k. two things.
1. you're a half shitty person that would be great if...... you came down and hung out with us on a semi-regular basis.

2. i like your loud self. you make newbies around you feel more comfortable because you'll actually talk to them.. ;)

oh, and btw, i like reading your blog because it gives me something to do. Heart you!
Evil Stick Man said…
Laura's right. the brash bluntness put me at ease right away
Miss Missie said…
Awww... Thanks! I'm glad I haven't scared you guys away. I kinda, sorta, a lot, a lot, like having you guys around.

And Laura's right. I need to get my ass down to see you guys. I want to! Let's make plans to do something!!!!

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