Thursday, April 30, 2009


Forgiveness - what is it really? Do you have to move on to forgive? How do you forgive if you can't forget? Is it harder to forgive someone you love or someone you dislike?

Do you forgive for them or for yourself? Does it get easier with time?

What do you think?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Bird In The Window.
A bird flew into pur picture window this morning. I ran outside sobbing and picked it up in a towel. Sitting on the porch, in the rain, in my pajamas, holding the little finch in my arms while it took its last breath.

I'm so devistated over this little lost life. I know how silly that is. Now that it is a few hours later and I'm better, the tears are dry. But I'm changed today.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Let The Sun Shine In!

Today is beautiful! I have Matt and Mindi coming over for dinner and they're staying with us the whole weekend! Well, some of the weekend, the rest they'll be at Kiltie rehearsal. But still, they'll be here! I get Mindi all to myself tonight while Matt is at a staff meeting. Neener, neener, neener...

I made a roast, but had no carrots. So I'm leaving work early today and rushing home to peel the carrots and get them in the slow cooker before anyone notices. :)

Let's keep that between you and I, shall we?

Thanks, I knew I could count on you!

Oh, did you miss that? I get to leave work at 3:00 today! Having a bagillion hours of overtime will do that to a girl. And man, do I love when it's done to me.

Wait, what were we talking about?

Anyway, I'm off to finish up the last bit of stuff that needs to be finished before I burst forward from the doors of this building and race home to open all the windows in our house and enjoy this beautiful day that has been so generously given to us to enjoy.

Do me a favor...? When you get in your car to drive home this afternoon, open up all those windows and enjoy every single drop of beautiful weather we have. Before you know it, it'll be gone and we'll be freezing our hineys off again.

It doesn't get much better than this!

Love you all,

Thursday, April 23, 2009

That's Who I Am, But Who Am I?

I was born almost 3 months early and weighed 2 pounds, eleven ounces. They were told I had a 60% survival rate being that premature.

At 2, my parents went through a nasty divorce which spilled over into almost all of my childhood and still affects my adulthood.

When I was 8, my mother died of colorectal cancer. She had a 44% chance of surviving if it was caught in time. She was stage 4 before it was caught. Now, you have a 90% survival rate.

At 17, my father was thrown in prison and sentenced to 12 years. I will be almost 30 when he is released. He had been incarcerated so many times prior that I have lost count.

By 18 I had lived in a household for 10 years in which I was both mentally and physically abused on a daily basis. I moved out before my 18th birthday and never looked back. I have only been 'home' a handful of times since; none within the last 2 years.

I was a 19 year old woman selling half a million dollar equipment to an industry almost fully comprised of old men. Somehow, I thrived. That position opened so many doors to me and I will forever be grateful for that.

Without my Grandma and a handful of selfless, wonderful friends, I would never have survived myself.

These are things that most no one knows about me. I have a handful of good friends who do and I tend to think that they have already forgotten that I've told them this.

Why? Because at times I feel that it has no bearing on whom I am. But other times, I feel as though by denying it, I'm lying to myself.

I live two lives. Most of the time, I'm the girl whose life started at 22. Some of the time, I'm everything I've been through.

When I think of where I've been and what I've been through, I start to feel as though it's worth other's pity. And pity is not what I want in my life or need.

Other times I feel a desire to say these things out loud because in doing so may garner the last bit of respect I'm looking for from someone.

Lately, I've struggled with how my past will affect my future. Do I need to rise above or do I need to embrace it? Rising above has worked so far; along with many helping hands holding me up when I wasn't able.

Is keeping much of this a 'secret' giving it the power it does not deserve? Or is it just being human and having secrets?

Just some random thoughts for you all.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I'm Back In The Saddle Again

I've learned something new - how to mobile blog! Now, saying that I've learned how to do it does not mean that I can actually do it. But hopefully this will help me blog more.

My computer has revolted against me. Apparently I have too much music and too many photos stored on my main hard drive and need a new/additional one. Working on it. What that means to y'all is that I cannot really post much of anything photo related unless I upload them at work, and well, I'm not in to that.

We just got back from Minnesota's NCAA Gymnastic Competition. Jamers, Greg's little brother, is a senior this year at Nebraska and that was his last meet. I apparently was sitting behind John Rothelesberger (or however the eff you spell it) and didn't know it. He's a 4-time Olympian I hear. I thought he was gay and was trying to figure out if the dude sitting next to him was his boyfriend or just a friend. What do I know?

Let's see? Lots to write about, but a lot of it is stuff I don't want posted all over the internets, ya know?

Maureen "yelled" at me to post something because she's out posted me about 4 to one these past few months.

I promise that there are big, exciting things coming.

Matt and Mindi are coming up to spend the weekend with us. Of course, we have to share them with the Kilties, but Friday night, Mindi is all mine while Matt goes to a staff meeting. I hope. Maybe they have different plans. I'm just excited to see them! Matt and Mindi are good peeps.

What else? Easter was good. Long day, I was tired and my rotator cuff had been acting up. But it was nice to spend the day with the family.

I promise to get writing and get you guys some new material soon.

Love ya and miss ya!

Monday, April 13, 2009

I am alive

I'm alive, I promise. Just not much in a mood to do much of anything except crawl in bed and survive right now.

Just in a funk. But worry none, the clouds will part and happy-go-lucky me will be back soon.